Wednesday, May 23, 2012

To Ink or not to Ink

I have been debating on getting a tattoo since I was 16 years old.  What started off as desire for a statement of rebelling against my parents grew into wanting to have an expression of my personality on my body.  A conversation piece.  Then I turned 18.  I can now legally get the tattoo that I have dreamed about and sketched in my notebook years ago and still liked.  That is a sign in itself right?  2 years later, I still like my tattoo idea.  But, this is permanent.  I had high aspirations of being someone of importance in a professional setting so I can't have a tattoo that people can see.  I had serious self debates on the placement of my tattoo. I gave up the battle for now and jumped on the belly button ring bandwagon.  At least I could remove it once the fad is over.  Great idea Casey.  Thanks to getting it ripped out one night during a bartending shift, I will now need plastic surgery to hide the gaping hole above my navel. 

So now jump to 21 year old Casey who still wants to get a tattoo but over thinks everything.  I have a lot of friends with tattoos in various places and clearly the spot that makes the most sense (based on the millions of girls who got them) is the lower back.  You can cover it up easily with clothing and show it off when you want to.  Perfect.  Oh wait, now that is deemed the official 'tramp stamp' and every woman who chose that tattoo location will be battling with the stereotype that they are not that easy.  Looks like that is out.

So here she is, 29 year old tattoo-less Casey who for some reason still feels like this could be a cool idea. (Not sure why I keep talking in the 3rd person.)  But why?  I'm too old now to say it is something that captures my youth.  I do have a corporate America job so it would have to be some place that I would cover up.  I obviously had an overwhelming feeling that it wasn't for me with the number of times that I have sat down in a chair of a tattoo parlor and left.  Why do I think I want a tattoo so much?

Hence the reason why it got put on my bucket list.  I need to make an official statement of yes or no I want a tattoo.  Part of me judges ever person I see with a tattoo.  You think that makes you unique?  That is an expression of your individualism?  Then why are there more people with tattoos then without?  You are more a follower to society then I am.  If anything I am the rebel here!  I am more unique, so there!  (Way to be a jerk about it, judgmental Casey.)  The other part of me thinks they are so cool and I want to ask each one of them to tell me the stories of when they got them and the meaning behind them.  Please lets go somewhere to drink craft beers, listen to Indy rock and you tell me about your interesting life without rules so I can live vicariously through you.  I think that is the part of me that also wants to quit my job, get full sleeve tattoos, dye my hair purple and work as a bartender at night while surfing during the day for the rest of my life.  (Says the girl who's only been on a surfboard once and was terrible at it.)

There is something truly beautiful about this.
And there is the problem.  I have an inner conflict on a daily basis.  Part of me loves my job, the home I come home to and the idea of settling down and having a family in our cozy little suburban neighborhood where I spend the weekends working in the yard, coming up with my next pinterest creation and volunteering in my free time.  That's the dream right?  But then the other part of me wants to sell everything I own and go travel the world with my husband for the rest of our lives picking up small jobs when needed to get by.  But since you can't have both, it seems I have already chosen path one.  Would a tattoo be that little reminder of the other person I could be? 

The answer is no.  If I really thought a tattoo was what I needed so I could be that person, I would have already gotten it.  To be sure, I took a little online quiz to see 'if I should get a tattoo' and just the fact I took a quiz should have prompted a screen that says, 'if you are questioning your decision then you aren't ready for a tattoo and never will be.'  So I am making the final decision.  I am crossing off my list 'decide if I am going to get a tattoo' with confidence that I am not a tattoo person.  I am still Tattoo Free since '83.  I am and always will be a poser.  I will continue down the burbs life that was cut out for me where I belong, with the strongest admiration for those in my life who are fulfilling my non-conformist fantasies.

No comments:

Post a Comment