Growing older, but not up

Freaking out before turning 30 is nothing unique.  I know that this whole challenge I created was a product of the normal anxiety that many 20 somethings feel.  Looking back at the past couple of years since this project began, I can't help but find it a little silly that I started feeling melancholy about reaching this milestone years before it was happening. Now I realize that I wasn't freaking out about the age as much as I was about what that age represented.  It is time for me to grow up.  All the dumb things that you do in your 20's are viewed as cute or acceptable because you are young and naive.  That doesn't really fly in your 30's.  If you get too drunk at a party where you lose your shoes and get sick in the bathroom, people just roll their eyes. (Not that I've ever done that.)  If you do it in your 30's, people suggest you need to attend a special Thursday night meeting.  In your 20's, if you blow your entire paycheck on a pair of shoes you have to have, you can justify it because you have your whole life to save money.  In your 30's, this would mean that your mortgage payment isn't going to be made.  So there I was, having a quarter-life crisis, kicking and screaming saying, 'No!  Don't make me... I don't want to grow up!'  

As much as I prayed, rubbed lamps and wished on stars, I couldn't make time stop.  If time was going to continue on, that means I had to as well. So I embraced turning 30 with dignity, grace and enthusiasm.  And by dignity I mean petty PMS girl moments, grace I mean immaturity, and enthusiasm as crippling depression.  Okay, it wasn't that bad... but it was bad enough that I made a list of selfish accomplishments that I wanted to complete before the big day so if nothing else, I can say that I feel good about how much I was able to do in my 20's.

I can proudly share that I have done all the items off my list.  I crossed the last one off my list this month when I traveled to 'someplace fabulous to celebrate my 30th birthday.'  My friends and I hopped on a jet and flew down to the dirty south to ring in my dirty thirty.  We spent 3 nights hanging out in NOLA for the French Quarter music festival which crossed off another bucket list item for me at the same time.  The trip was filled with phenomenal local artists and incredible food.  I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time. 

Quick Fun Fact - the French Quarter Music Festival was celebrating their 30th anniversary and I was celebrating my 30th birthday.  I thought that was a fun coincidence.   

With the exception of one person, everyone in our group was in their 30's and showed me that even though we might be growing older, no one said we had to grow up.  Sure, I am going to have more responsibilities, but I don't have to stop enjoying the things that I love just because I'm now a 30 something.  I can still be silly and have moments of being immature... maybe there will just be a few less.

Logan and me at the river, listening to live jazz.
We heard many talented musicians while we roamed the streets.

I ate my weight in crawfish!

Some of the gang toasting to the weekend!

Seriously?  Only my sweet husband
would wear a shark costume for me.

I thought that my birthday celebration was over when we touched ground back in Tampa, and the vacation came to an end. However, my dear friends had a different idea.  My friends who couldn't join us in NOLA along with my loving husband were conspiring behind my back.  This past weekend I thought that I was going to listen to a friend's husband play a little afternoon jam session.  When I showed up to the venue, I was met with about 60 of my family members and friends all wearing shark hats and my husband in a shark suit.  Why sharks?  Because since I could not cross 'swim with great whites' off my bucket list, my husband wanted me to at least be able to 'swim with land sharks.'  It was the most thoughtful, creative thing that anyone has ever done for me.  I was so surprised and overwhelmed by how many people showed up to show their love for me.  

So now as I sit here, writing this blog post, a full 2 days into my 30's, I have gained a new perspective from the wisdom with my old age.  The personal dilemma I was feeling before was that I wasn't fulfilled.  What I have realized is that I needed to change my definition on what it means to have fulfillment in your life.  Fulfillment doesn't mean going on an adventure every weekend, and trying something new everyday.  Fulfillment is simply having an enriched life with purpose.  Logan reminded me of that with his beautiful gesture on Sunday.  I am surrounded by so many amazing people who selflessly love and care about me.  They are the ones who enrich my life and give me purpose.  Thank you to all of you who have supported me through this challenge and continue to support me on a daily basis.

All She Wants To Do Is Dance

Dancing has always been a passion of mine.  I've been doing it in some form since I was a little girl.  I was not blessed with an athletic physique or great hand-eye coordination, or even rhythm for that matter.  Regardless, I had to find some type of 'extracurricular' activity to get me out of the house and to keep me active.  Dancing ended up being that for me.  It never came naturally to me, but I loved it.  I would spend hours in my bedroom practicing the steps we learned that night so that the following week it would look like it was effortless for me.  The most thrilled part of it came when it was time for our live performances.  I got such a rush as I waited behind the curtain for our turn to take the stage and be a star for the next 3 minutes.  The heat from the spot lights, the dark sea of people, and my heart racing created a high that I looked for year after year. 

When I graduated high school and went to college, dance took a much different form.  My sorority sisters and I used the clubs in Ybor as our weekly gym sessions because I know the way we got down was just as good as doing 100 squats.  We would dance until the early morning on a weekly basis, which is what I give credit to preventing the dreaded 'freshman 15.'  Now, dance doesn't take any form in my life.  I still needed a way to keep the weight off since this girl loves to eat, so what was once hours on the dance floor turned into hours in the gym or outside running.  While there is a rush that I get from running a few miles outdoors and getting a new best time or leaving the gym dripping in sweat, I can't say it is nearly as fun.  So I became determined to change that, leading to this 30 before 30 challenge.

One thing that I LOVE about my husband is that he is willing to do activities with me that he has ZERO interest in.  Dance lessons were one of them.  My sweet cousin Jena has been very supportive of my personal challenge and has even participated in crossing some off the list.  For Christmas she gave me a gift card for the Fred Astaire Dance Studio.  So Logan joined me for a few Tuesday night lessons where we got an overview of salsa, swing, tango, cha cha, rumba, and waltz.  We did about six weeks of lessons which gave us a good overview and the basic steps for each.  We are not going to be entering any competitions in the near future, but I think we can hold our own on the dance floor at the next wedding.  What this did show me was how much I miss dancing.  I think the folks at Fred Astaire will be excited to learn that I want to continue taking dance lessons on a regular basis.  I've always been a hug fan of swing so I think I am going to continue learning the steps to not only keep me in shape but to also bring back this area that was once a big passion for me.  (Don't worry, Logan... I'm not going to be dragging you to this every week!)  Thank you again to Jena and Logan for helping me cross another item off my list.

For His Glory, and my daily reminder.

Of all the items to cross off my list, this was the most meaningful.  I've always known how important scripture memorization was, but it wasn't until I started working on this list item that I realized how much I needed it.  I chose verses that had special meaning to me for various reasons.  While memorizing them, there were many moments where these scriptures would pop in my head as a daily reminder to me.  I may be able to cross this off my list, but I will continue to try to memorize many more verses so that I can be filled with His words instead of just my own.  Here are the 10 that I chose with my reasons for why.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, submit your request to God.

I need this verse on a daily basis.  The biggest key to this verse, in my opinion, is with thanksgiving.  When we worry and stress, it is saying that we do not trust in God's plan, or it means that we are not asking for His help.  If we spent as much time praying about our problems as we did worrying about them, think about how much easier it would be to get through it.  I am Thankful for all the problems I deal with on a daily basis because I know that they are not too big for God.  

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

When you can give up the driver's seat and let Jesus take the wheel, life becomes a lot simpler.  We constantly try to make decisions on what we know and what we think is right.  If you lift it up in prayer, He will always lead you the right way.


James 1:2
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

This is the hardest verse for me.  (I'm sure I'm not alone here.)  The first reaction when something bad happens is to be disappointed, or discouraged, or angry.  Could you imagine what life would be like if your gut instinct... the very first feeling you felt was pure joy.  Not contentment, not passive, but absolute joy. That would make every Dr. visit, car accident, or unfriendly encounter with another person just as enjoyable as a beautiful afternoon relaxing on the beach or playing with a puppy.  I know I want to feel that kind of joy in my life.

Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear at the future.

This is such a beautiful verse.  I would love it if when I leave this world that people would think of me, the way this verse describes.  This is such a wonderful expression of what a Christian woman looks like.  Obviously, all the characteristics throughout Proverbs 31 as it describes the 'Proverbs Woman' are great attributes to strive for, but the confidence that this verse portrays in particular really spoke to me.

Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

When I was memorizing this verse, I really thought about each section of what is written.  

Be joyful in hope - sometimes we are in situations that feel very hard to be joyful in.  However, we can be joyful in hope of what is to come.  We can always strive to be optimistic for the future.  

Patient in affliction - we might not understand why we are going through the challenges in our life, but we can have patience knowing that the Lord is working through us with a purpose.  

Faithful in prayer - to me this is the glue that holds everything together.  No matter what you are going through, you must lift it up to God.  This ties right into the importance of the next verse that I chose.

 
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

As I alluded to in the verse above, this is why prayer is so important.  I believe that God doesn't give us any challenges in our life that we can't handle with his help.  No matter what trial we face, we must face it with the comfort and knowledge that we have God by our side to get through it.  We might not ever understand the lesson to be learned or how He is using that situation with us, but we can have comfort in knowing that it is all part of His plan in our lives.


James 1:19-20
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry; for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

'Think before you speak.' 'God gave you two ears and one mouth.' These expressions have been said time and time again with good reason.  I know that I can really take note to really think before speaking to others to make sure that what I am saying comes out clearly and with love.  How many times have you said something and instantly wished you could take it back?

I love the next 3 verses because they are a great reminder of what true unconditional love looks like, and are the perfect verses to share with others about how easy it is to receive God's love. 

John 3:16
God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not parish, but have eternal life.

This is one of the most famously used verses, and for obvious reasons. While memorizing and reading up on this verse and the meaning behind it, I read the following note that I thought was amazing:  notice that the word gospel is literally spelled out in the verse:  "For God loved the world in this way:  He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not Perish but have Eternal Life."

John 14:6
Jesus said to him, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  No one comes to the Father, except through me.

It is that easy.  You can only get to our Father through Christ.  'Jesus is not one of many ways to approach God, nor is He the best of several ways.  He is the only way.' - AW Tozer

Romans 3:23-24
We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God; being justified by grace through the redemption of Christ Jesus.

There are no perfect people in this world.  It is a standard that none of us can live up to.  But the good news is, we don't have to.  Even people who make mistakes time and time again have the opportunity to enjoy the eternal life in Heaven that waits for us.  That is such an amazing truth.

Not So Easy Rider

Well, I might have been a 'Girl on a Motorcycle' but I was not 'Born to Ride.'  Today my dad helped me check off another bucket list item in a not so graceful way.  Before today I had a very Hollywood image of what my motorcycle experience would be.  Dad would show me really quick the basics of how to operate the bike, I would take it around the block a few times until I got the hang of it then we would ride off into the sunset in James Dean fashion.  The reality was not nearly as glamorous.

I started my day the way any poser would do, dressing myself in the most 'bad ass chick' attire I could find.  I went with all black, boots and obviously a bandanna.  I would have polished off the look with a leather jacket, but let's face it, I live in Florida and that isn't really appropriate for our 80 degree weather.  If I am dressed the part, I'll catch on even quicker right?

Don't mess with me.

Well, it turned out that my riding skills were as bad as my wardrobe choice.  After taking me around the neighborhood and showing me how to control the clutch and throttle, we got to an open area far away from other cars, children, or anything else that I could possible run into.  We ran through all the steps several times and it seemed like I had the hang of it.  Time to hop on.  I put my left hand tightly around the clutch and was ready to slowly release while gently accelerating but instead I decided to let go of the clutch quickly, freak out and fall onto the curb.  Before today, the Harley had never been laid on its side.  I guess I wanted to change that.  

We went through all the steps again and I mustered up the courage to try it again.  This time I started off much better.  I transitioned into first gear very smoothly and got going without stalling out.  I made a few turns, no problem and was on my way back.  Good job Casey, next time maybe you will even be ready to switch into second gear.  You are really getting the hang of this, I said to myself.  That was until I got close to my dad where all I had to do was simply break.  Crap, how do you break?  Well I can tell you what not to do.  Do not squeeze the clutch and break at the same time followed by releasing the clutch quickly, freaking out and turning to your side until the bike is almost on top of you and is now doing donuts on its side.  Awesome job!  I have officially knocked off a headlight cover, scratched up the side of the body, created an oil leak and ruined the paint job on my dad's perfect condition Harley in less than an hour.  If there could be an award on who could do the most damage in the shortest period of time, I could have easily earned it.

So the day of fun came to an end... I was not going to get back in the driver seat even if I was given permission, and I think my dad was done watching me try to kill myself.  So I checked myself over, made sure I didn't have any physical wounds to go with my emotional ones.  I hopped on the back where I belong, and cruised around the neighborhood while I made uncomfortable jokes before we put the motorcycle back where it belongs... safely in the garage far away from me.  Lesson learned:  Stick to the vespa and mountain bikes and leave the hogs for the pros.  

A little taste of the damage I caused

I didn't take any photos on the bike, I thought a photo of it safely in the garage was more appropriate

Bruises Fade. Wounds Heal. Winners last forever.

The Battle Field

Silence crept across the barren battle field while we took our positions.  The air was cool and crisp but all I could feel was the warmth of my breath against my mask.  Heart racing while I prepped my weapon.  Then it came - the sound that the war has begun.  Quickly I darted for cover while I staked out the enemy.  The popping sound of guns were ringing in my ear.  One by one soldiers hit the floor.  It came down to two of us.  Only one could make it out alive.  I wasn't ready to give up the fight.  Slowly, I picked out the right timing to make my move into the enemy territory.  I gazed around the field and saw my target.  It was time to take him out.  The shootout began.  Rapid fire exploded across the field because neither of us are going to surrender.  Then it happened.  POP!  The enemy has been hit.  I was victorious.  

Team Barile AKA The Assassins

Yes, I am being quite dramatic with this bucket list item.  But this week, I crossed paint balling from my list.  My sweet friend Betty has been very encouraging of me during my 30 before 30 experiment.  She found a living social deal for paint balling at a place in Lutz.   We gathered up some other soldiers and the 8 of us headed out on Sunday to take the field.  Most of us were playing for the first time, but we had a few veterans as well.  We split our group up into two teams of 4 and played various rounds on 3 different courses.  I was pretty stoked when I finished the first round as the last man standing.  Everyone was in complete shock.  I did take a little offense to the fact that everyone expected me to be one of the first guys out, until we played our second round when I was instantly taken down.  I was quickly humbled.  

You Don't Want to Mess with Me

The Face of a Warrior

Team Victorious!

All the Soldiers Ready to take the Field

Honestly, I haven't had that much fun in a long time.  We are talking about making it an annual event.  Paint balling was a great rush and also a reminder of how out of shape I am.  I was getting killed by a group of 10 year old punks so badly it was comical.  But a great time nonetheless.  

Even after an epic battle, we can still be friends.

I will make one suggestion to anyone who is thinking of taking the field, especially to the ladies.  You will bruise.  The paint balls did not hurt when they hit, but they did leave some serious marks.  If you are going to try paint balling, go in the winter when long pants are a daily fashion choice.  Thanks to the beautiful marks on my legs, I will not be wearing shorts in public for a LONG time!

But, you can't go to war without a few scars, so in the words of Betty 'the fighter' Veinger - 

Bruises Fade.
Wounds Heal.
Winners Last Forever...

A Bird's Eye View

After our failed attempt at seeing a great white shark, Logan and I were determined to cross something off my bucket list.  We left the hustle and bustle of San Francisco and slowed down for an afternoon in wine country.  The drive out of the city is amazing.  The views of the rolling hills approaching make you feel like you are thousands of miles away rather then just an hour outside of the city.

View from the car driving into wine country.

First stop was not for a glass of vino like you might expect, but rather some of the best fried chicken I've ever had.  There is a little spot called Ad Hoc, owned by the same chef of world famous French Laundry.  Instead of putting our name on a 3 year waiting list and spending $500 on a meal that would be memorable but also destructive to our bank account, we went the lunch route.  Ad Hoc does weeknight dinners and a Sunday Brunch indoors, but outback at 'addendum' you can get an amazing gourmet lunch box.  It was a great 'picnic style' menu which was enjoyed in their vegetable garden.  The chicken was worth every calorie consumed.  I haven't had fried chicken that good since my great-grandmother's, who made hers in the same traditional southern fashion soaking in buttermilk overnight.  If you are ever in the area I highly recommend making the stop.

With our bellies full of chicken and sweet tea, we continued our way to get a taste of some great California wine.  We were greeted for a private wine tour in Sonoma County.  (I love the perks of working in hospitality.)  We came at a great time of year because all the grapes on the vines were bursting with color and flavor, waiting to be picked during harvest, which starts this week.  Logan and I relaxed that evening with a couple of great glasses of wine and some much needed R&R.

The next morning we woke up nice and early ready for the day's adventure.  Today I would be crossing off 'ziplining' from my bucket list.  Not just zip lining, but zip lining through one of California's most beautiful places, the redwood forest.  We had a relaxing morning and took our time getting ready.  We then heading down to Bodega Bay after getting a tip from a local to go to 'the boathouse' for the best fish and chips we would ever taste.  Every morning the fishermen would go out to get their catch of the day and when they ran out, they closed up shop.  It doesn't get more fresh than that.  

The locals were right - this was darn good fish!

We took the coastal drive to see some northern California beaches and stopped in a cute little beach town.  When I say little, I mean one convenience store, a bar and a surf wear shop.  We stopped because Logan saw a huge sign that said casino.  Casino in their eyes is one video poker machine in the back of a dive bar.  However, we still go out and looked around so I could take a few photos.  There was something a little eerie about this place and I wanted to have a few shots for when I described it.  Then we found out why it felt so eerie.  This was the spot Alfred Hitchcock filmed the movie 'The Birds.'  I put my photos together... and now it makes a little more sense.

Killer Seagulls ready to make me their pray.

We left the twilight zone and headed to the woods.  I am ready for more adventure in my day!  We got a quick lesson on how to zip line properly and put on our very fashionable gear.  I felt bad for the guys in the group since the leg straps had to be very snug and gave them a nice codpiece for the day.  After we were all pro-zip liners from our practice we made our way to the 'bunny slope.'  The first zip line was short to ease our way into the day.  We would have a total of 5.  Logan was brave and went first out of our group.  He made it look so easy, so I went next.  

What a rush!  We cruised over the treetops with an amazing view hundreds of feet below.  The feeling is a mixture of exhilaration from cruising at high speeds at a pretty high point in the woods, while also peaceful and serene.  It was quite and the views were breath taking.  The longest zip line track we did was 800 feet.  It lasted about 30 seconds, but looking down from a height of 200 ft. was unreal.

The tour took a total of 2.5 hours and I got to experience the redwoods in an amazing way.  These trees are hundreds of years old and the tallest in the country.  We were able to look down on them from a bird's eye view - how many people can say that?  Our tour guides were incredible. They were so knowledgeable on all the species of trees we were looking at, constantly kept the afternoon's mood lighthearted with jokes and puns, while always giving us confidence that we were safe.  We had an amazing experience and I would definitely go back again.  I have to give a special thank you to Logan for making this happen.  He was monumental in helping me cross another item off my bucket list, but was overcoming one of his own fears of heights.  This might not be his first choice of how to spend the day, but he made sure that we both had as much fun as possible!  One more reason why I love him.  (Sorry for the moment of sappy, but it had to be said.)

Fog and Jelly Fish

So this was it.  Yesterday was the big day.  The biggest bucket list challenge on my list and I was going to complete it.  Excited doesn't even begin to describe the feeling I had.  Not to mention, every person who has crossed my path over the past year has been greeted with, 'Hi my name is Casey, I'm going to swim with a great white in (insert number of days.)'

We landed in the San Francisco airport on Monday morning and took a very expensive cab ride out to Berkeley.  Apparently we were the only ones who didn't get the 'rent a car' memo.  Oh well, poor travel planning.  We got to our hotel and it was too early to check in, so we left our bags and headed over to the dive shop to grab my gear.  The transaction was quick and smooth so we headed to grab some lunch to give the hotel enough time to get our room ready.  By the time we got back, all we wanted to do was eat a little dinner and watch Monday night football before going to bed early.  I keep forgetting how different the time is over here vs. East coast because Monday night football started at 5:30 here.  When you are like a kid on Christmas eve, this is a good thing since I wanted to go to bed super early.  Our boat was leaving at 6:00 a.m. with or without us.

That night was the worst sleep I've ever had.  I woke up every hour and looked at the clock to see if it was time yet.  Finally, I rolled over, looked at the clock and saw 5:00 a.m.  It was time!  I already showered the night before and laid out my clothes so it took a whole 10 minutes to get ready.  We grabbed our gear and headed downstairs to catch a ride to the docks.

We were greeted by our captain for the day James.  We headed over to the 'Superfish' and made our way on board.  The first thing I saw was the cage and the seal decoys.  It was really happening.

James did a quick safety overview with us and told us about where we were heading.  Our dive would take place at Farallon Island.  It is a natural sanctuary full of rare birds, elephant seals, whales, but most importantly, Great Whites.  According to their shark tracker, there have been about 13 great whites hanging around the island over the past few weeks.  Because of dense fog, they have not had any luck seeing sharks yet, so today had to be the day!

We took a 2.5 hour hike out to the Island.  The fog was thick and it was freezing cold.  Unfortunately for about half of the passengers on the boat, the rough waves were a little too much for them and they spent the 2.5 hours chumming the waters for us.  To give you an idea of the view - here are the BEST photos we took on our way out.

Going under the golden gate bridge

Our view of Farallon Island

We got to the island and anchored the boat.  The cage was lowered and in the distance, I could see a seal swimming.  I am still encouraged that we are going to see some action today.  The first group of divers suited up to get in the cage.  Go ahead and judge but I didn't want to be the first one in the water.  I couldn't feel my fingers or toes on the boat so I wasn't very excited to get into frigid water unless I knew there was going to be some things worth looking at down there.  I would be part of group two after the first set of people came out and told us about all the amazing sea life they saw.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the tale they told.  There was no sea life, except for a couple of jelly fish.  None of them were able to see a foot past the cage bars.  They ended up using their video cameras to just take footage of themselves underwater.

So that is how the rest of the day went.  A couple of people kept going in the cage and had the same story.  Jellyfish and sediment.  The fog didn't lift until we were getting ready to leave and the only seal we saw all day was the one when we first arrived.  I guess the great whites weren't hungry today and were hanging out towards the bottom.  Maybe they were on the other side of the island, but the water was too rough that we wouldn't have been able to lower the cage.  All and all, it was a day of fog and jellyfish... and trying not to get sick.  But, on the bright side, the crew was very friendly, food was good (for what I could manage eating,) and we did get to see some sea life.  As we were leaving we saw some Grey Whales which were cool.  People pay good money to go whale watching right?

The 'Jellyfish' cage

Jellyfish

The decoy that didn't fool any sharks  this trip

Where I hung out most of the day 'looking' for any sign of sharks

The best shot of the Island we got all day called 'the devil's teeth'

It doesn't look like I will be crossing this off my 30 before 30 list, but it wasn't without effort!  It looks like I will just need to put this at the top of my 40 before 40 list that will come next and I will save up my pennies to go to Guadalupe Island.  After talking to many shark enthusiast yesterday, that is where the majority of shark sightings are, the water is crystal clear, and it is WARM outside.  Not freezing cold!  Logan and I do have a lot of great memories from this trip so far - seeing a great white just isn't one of them.

Even though I didn't see a shark - I still wanted to get my money's worth from the wetsuit.  If I can't cage dive with a great white, I can watch a movie about one while wearing a wetsuit and drinking a beer.  Cheers to a great vacation!

It's kind of the same thing...